Right now, as Mother Earth continues her giant spin, humans are facing unprecedented loss. In many countries that loss is in the form of death- the physical departure of mothers, fathers, spouses and siblings. In most of these instances people are dying alone, their loved ones not permitted to be by their side. This is worst case scenario- quarantined, unconscious, ventilated with plastic domes around their heads.
In other places, like here in Australia, where the illness has not yet caused extensive loss of life, we feel the impact in different ways. We are losing jobs, money, businesses, identities, homes and dreams. If we haven’t already lost them, the possibility looms heavy. This is an unstable, unsteady time and we do not know what we will be able to hold on to.
“Will we be able to hold on?”
When I left my career as a firefighter and paramedic I felt like I had lost everything. While technically it was my choice to leave, it wasn’t a choice at all. At the time the anxiety in my body was so severe that I had ulcers in my mouth from constantly clenching my jaw. If I thought of going to work the physical pain became unbearable.
The grief that followed my resignation was horrendous. I felt isolated, helpless and afraid. I went from a six figure income to living with my parents. The loss of money, credibility, and sense of self was overwhelming. I felt I was no longer that strong and capable woman, that one who was financially stable and owned a nice car.
“Isolated, helpless and afraid”
As I look around me now I see the world heading in a similar direction. Humans are collectively about to experience illness, loss, shattered dreams and profound financial hardship. They are likely to lose the sense of self that holds them in place. With this may come depression, suicide or anxiety, and after witnessing global death and tragedy, perhaps their own forms of PTSD.
The wisdom to get through
I’m writing this to you to offer the wisdom I learned over the last four years, so that this wisdom can help you through your personal journey of loss.
And, to imbue you with one key message of HOPE:
I came out of that loss as a much, much, better person.
Though difficult, I emerged with the very gifts I had previously been searching for- wisdom, compassion, stability and lasting peace.
May you hold tight to the hope that this will be true for you, too.
Here are my best words of wisdom.
Be compassionate.
As you start to lose the things you love, you will need to be gentle on yourself. Please give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel as you find your way through.
Allow for the suffering while holding on to love. Turn to good friends, wise teachers, and healthy crutches. Learn how to stroke your own hair and coo softly in your ear that everything is going to be okay. Learn to physically hug yourself while you cry.
If you don’t understand the true definition of compassion, do some research (google the Buddhist definition of compassion). My favourite is “the hearts trembling in response to pain”, or “when love meets pain”.
Train yourself to meet yourself with love and let your heart tremble. As you meet yourself, you can meet others too. We are all in this together.
Remember the path of the renunciant.
A renunciant is someone who lets go, little by little, of worldly pleasures like money, excessive food, drink and entertainment. In all my years of buddhist and yoga study, I had heard over and over that the path to happiness is through letting go.
I never would have made this choice on my own but the last four years of being “forced” to slowly let go of what I thought I needed has shown me that the life of the renunciant is truly the path to peace.
Renunciation is the path that the whole world, if only temporarily, is about to walk. That will include you, whether it be in big ways or small. Be open to accept this as a spiritual path to peace.
While I can’t deny that at first there is great suffering in losing what you love, I must point out that the suffering is inside the mind. You will not be grieving for the money or your house or your business- you will grieve instead for the feelings that they give you- the stability, the peace of mind, the sense of self.
The illusion we hold is that we need the “things” to feel okay. Once we release this holding on of the mind, the happiness and contentment that comes is independent of circumstances. This is actually the happiness we are all searching for, that we can never find.
At first I didn’t know how to not go out to eat. I thought I had to do the things that made me feel happy. I didn’t know how to eat less, or how to choose a cheaper car. I truly believed that I still “needed” one that could fit a surfboard and a bike in it. I never dreamed I could survive without one at all, yet now it has been almost two years and I’ve barely noticed.
If you can help it, don’t make my mistake of being slow to adjust. Let go quickly of the life you thought you’d have. On a physical level make adjustments right now: create a meal plan, set up a budget, move in with family, seek help from the government or talk to your bank. Cancel subscriptions or unnecessary costs.
On a spiritual level reflect on what you really need to survive, like connection to family and friends and a simple small plate of food a couple of times a day. Reflect that need and want are so far removed in the west. Take the word “need” out of your vocabulary, reserve it for items of truth.
Stay in your body
This has been my guiding light. I created a whole online course and wrote many blogs about it. Please feel free to go back and refresh yourself with this information. In summary, when we become afraid we go straight up into our minds to prepare for every outcome. While it is sometimes helpful to plan, it can quickly spin out of control.
You’ll know you’ve spun out if you’re feeling the physical signs of stress- tightness in your jaw, shoulders or chest, upset tummy, difficulty breathing or the inability to go to sleep. Getting grounded back into the body can stabilise and calm the mind so you can get back to breathing deeply and sleeping well.
There are many body practices that stabilise the mind, certain kinds of yoga, qi gong, mindful dance, art, gardening, pranayama. If you need help, please reach out as I’m here to assist anyone in need, if you can’t afford it I don’t care-no exchange of money needed. Which brings me to my next point:
Charity, generosity and contribution
Orient your actions around helping others. Make it a daily practice to contribute in a positive way. This can be done in isolation through sharing helpful or uplifting messages, calling friends, cultivating qualities of compassion, forgiveness and lovingkindness and stabilising your mind for the collective consciousness.
If you’re a teacher, coach or expert in your field, consider offering your services online at a reduced rate or even for free. Stay busy with generous, loving activity. Use this time to become a better person for the greater good of humanity and our planet.
My greatest gift can be yours
As I sat in meditation this morning I realised that I’ve been blessed with the greatest gift. Having already lost what I thought was so important, I now have very little to lose. The simplicity I have been forced to embrace over the last few years has prepared me for this current world situation, where the only thing I care about now is the loss of human life.
Take a deep breath, right now. Feel your feet on the floor. Trust that everything is going to be okay.
One day, when all of this is over, you will have gained immeasurable gifts, likely the very wisdom, insight and peace you have long wished to find. You will be better.
Although this is unpleasant, unfortunate and vastly difficult please trust that right now, you could bow in, you could surrender;
We are on the path to peace.
Resources:
Inspiring books to read on survival, perspective, faith and letting go:
- Adrift: Seventy Six Days Lost at Sea, by Stephen Callahan (on survival)
- Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl (on perspective)
- The Surrender Experiment, by Michael Singer (on letting go)
- Cave in the Snow, by Vicki Mckenzie (on simplicity)
- Proof of Heaven, by Eben Alexander (on faith)
- A Souls journey by Michael Newton (on faith)
- For the Love of Money, by Sam Polk (on letting go)
Inspiring talks to listen to:
- Dharma talk on Compassion, by Oren Sofer, 60 mins
- Facing Fear, by Tara Brach, 55 mins
- Facing Pandemic Fears with an Awake Heart, byTara Brach, 60 mins
- Calm before sleep meditation, by Jason Stephenson, 30 mins
