Hi my Name is Kate: and I’m an Addict

Almost two weeks ago, I was told but a very renowned healer in Sydneys outer West, that I am an addict. 

My drug of choice, she told me, as my nose screwed up in confusion…

 is Adrenaline. 

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, I recognised their truth.

In fact, it seemed so obvious that I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of it myself.

So, officially, I would like to confess…

My name is Kate, and I am an addict. 

In a way, it sounds kind of sexy doesn’t it?

Certainly it was sexy, back then, when I was regularly getting my fix. I spent the first fifteen years of my adult life in California’s mountains, scaring myself silly paddling down crazy rapids, screaming down steep snowy faces, or barreling through rocky single track.

When I wasn’t out in the mountains getting hopped up and terrified, I was at the firehouse. My heart would pump as the station lights came on, my sympathetic nervous system powering up at whatever potential disaster was asking be fixed: a vehicle accident, a cardiac arrest, a house fire.

I loved it. 

The sympathetic nervous system is the do-er, the achiever, the conquerer of struggles, and its chief drug (the chemical that makes it all go round), is adrenaline (in the States, it’s also called epinephrine).

Looking back over the course of my life, it is clear that I have asked my nervous system to fire far more often than the average human should. I had my adrenals pumping out adrenaline every day: solving problems, conquering struggles, and overcoming immense fears.

Somewhere along the line, I got hooked.

Over the last couple of years I’ve been feeling like something is off. It’s difficult to describe, but it’s like my ability to feel happy and content has been slowly diminishing. Last year, in particular, felt really tough, yet Vicki offered the perfect explanation, “Since you resigned from the firehouse, and then from ambulance, you’ve been experiencing adrenaline withdrawal”. 

I knew immediately that she was 100% right.

Vicki showed me a perspective of my life I hadn’t seen before, and the last two weeks have been filled with clarity because of that. Her words gave my unexplainable dissatisfaction from the past couple years some real context.

I’ve just been bored. 

In fact, when I look at the problems over the course of my life, it would not be a stretch to say that they have almost all come down to that one (rather sad) fact… I was f**king bored.

Eeesh.

Vicki says that the first step is to fully own who you are. “You’ve got to know”, she said, “That you’re a wild woman!”

She went on to explain that the trick is to be resourceful, to make intentional decisions to create excitement in my life. She explained that if I don’t meet this need in a physical sense, then I run the risk of seeking the excitement mentally. And by that I mean…

Creating the big D word 

Drama

This part made me cringe a little, as I also saw its truth.

Creating a struggle that we then have to overcome is a surefire way to get the adrenals pumping. I’m damn guilty of doing that: choosing challenging life circumstances or relationship difficulties. Staying with people that create drama around us. Or not committing to what we really want out of life, because when we stay uncertain, the adrenals stay firing.

Uncertainty is exciting. 

Knowing, is boring. 

Shit.

Sounds familiar.

Many years ago, on a 10 day silent retreat in Joshua Tree I heard Noah Levine say, “Peace is boring”.

This is why we don’t choose it.

We prefer instead to be wild, to stay on the ride, because roller coasters get our hearts pumping. 

I’ve decided to own it. This is me. I’m a wild, heart-thumping, adrenaline junkie. 

But I’m getting older, and I want peace too, and stability. I want a steady relationship and the community that comes with living in one place.

So I’m going to have to be resourceful. Every now and then, I’m going to need to be a little bit wild, and a little bit scared too. In the meantime I’m working on what it means to relax…

and how I can breathe through, when that itching, scratching, niggling need fills my body for another hit. 

Can you feel it inside you too?

I’m not suggesting that you’re a junkie also, but I feel like this message is applicable to every human. Its worth taking a look: how do we create (and maintain) struggles and dramas so that we can bring a little more texture to our lives? 

How can we be resourceful in how we fulfil these needs within us?

For me, now that I am here in Australia, I mostly use the ocean. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve gone running down to her as much as I can. If the waves are too small to surf, then I simply swim or play around as her peaks dump onto the shore. I let her drag my body and roll me through the sand. It fills good, and it’s exciting.

On Saturday, February 24th, I’ve created a Surf and Yoga Day in Cronulla, so you can come get a little fix of the ocean too. We will begin with a warm-up Yoga session, and then a 1.5 hour lesson with the Cronulla Surf Academy. Then a second cool down Yoga Session, followed by yummy lunch.

It’s going to be so much fun, and is for everyone, even if you’ve never tried surfing before! Come get your fix with me HERE! 

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