There was barely a breeze as we stood, our toes digging into the thick grass, the light getting pinker with each passing moment. It was the end of our last full day of Citta Retreat and we had gathered outside the immaculately built yoga shala that had been our sacred space for the week.
The 17 of us formed into two lines facing each other, creating a makeshift tunnel. I watched as each woman took her turn one at a time, walking slowly through the narrow gap with her eyes softly closed as each of the other woman whispered in her ear.
The instructions had been to tell the woman in the tunnel what you admired or cherished about her or what you thought she needed to hear. What exactly they whispered was only for that woman to know, but as I watched each of their faces I knew the words were lighting up their hearts and souls.
With each whisper the girls expressed shock, laughter or tears of disbelief as they heard the words of praise from their new friends. And friends they were: after only five nights together this group of strangers had become a family. Together we had established everything required of a healthy clan: trust, safety, honesty and openness.
We had learned to lean on one another. We had laughed danced, celebrated and cried. We had stretched and listened and shared our dark secrets. We’d been there for each other in ways that the hustle and bustle of everyday life doesn’t allow. Here, in this piece of paradise, we’d become sisters.
As the last girl walked to the end of the tunnel I looked to my dear friend and co-host Tanya as if to say, “finished?”. She looked at me and cocked her head toward the line and said, “your turn”. I took a step back, shocked that she had expected us to participate. I was completely unprepared for that kind of vulnerability.
Tanya pushed my resistant body to the opening and laughed that earthy hearty laugh of hers. I closed my eyes as the first whispers came in. Among them were words I’d long dreamed of hearing and surprising phrases I’d had no idea I needed to know. I cried loudly, losing all composure and melting the illusion of teacher. I was just another girl, one of the pack being honoured by her sisters.
At the end of the tunnel I sobbed and sniffed and wiped my gunky nose as Tanya made her way through. At the end we embraced one another, our shared pride of accomplishment unspoken but deeply felt. We had done it. Not only executing a successful retreat, but a miraculously and overwhelmingly special retreat.
We had done it: made a dream come true!
If there was one theme that stood out to me from the week it was the way that we had honoured one another. We had held each woman as the sacred, precious being that she was. We let go as much as we could of judgement, competition and separation and in their absence we allowed a deep connection to bloom.
We sat through challenging eye contact, truly seeing the individual and the collective soul within. We literally, physically bowed to one another. We greeted each other with the ancient Hawaiian Aloha and we begged forgiveness, gave thanks and expressed love through the Ho’onopono prayer.
Mid week we left our resort for a day of adventure. We held each other in the support of silence as we hiked through magical jungle. We held hands and swam at the base of a powerful waterfall. We wandered through a scared holy water temple. We shared lunch amidst lush rice fields and then we lay together inside a pyramid and bathed in sound. We healed together.
We healed together
The yoga that we practiced let go of tradition and dogma and remained in the space of sensation and embodiment. This meant that sometimes it looked more like dance or yummy morning stretches or sometimes like qigong. At times we simply stood there and felt. Felt our hearts and bellies with our hands, felt the wind, felt the earth against our feet.
We listened too, as much to the sounds of nature as to each other. We listened to the calling of our own hearts. And at the end, when it had all felt so serious, when we had learned so much and vowed to remember it all, we let it go. We threw it away, shook it off and danced ourselves silly.
Of course, we had aspirations that what we had learned this week would be helpful back at home. But we danced so we could let go of the delusion that we would somehow be better now. We tapped into the wisdom that knew that we would still be the same women we were a week ago: women with all their flaws and shortcomings and frustrations. We knew that this real, authentic woman was perfectly fine.
We were unchanged. Still the perfectly imperfect being we had always been.
And yet we knew that we would never be the same again.
As the guests slowly departed I was left in deep reflection with this woman below, Tanya Savva. This goddess is my partner in crime, my dear friend, my fellow seeker on the path, and the only person I have ever spent a week sharing a room with and not been annoyed at least once.
We have not just made a retreat in Bali, we have forged a long and fruitful journey of creation. I can’t wait to create so much more with you Miss Tanya and see where this path leads us. Thank you for everything.
Citta Retreat is happening again in 2020. Find out more or book your spot with a $500 deposit.
OR come to our Citta Beachside Day Retreat in the Sydney area, November 17th 9am-4:30pm
